I think none suits this

I hold my mug,same mug I always use,same time,same spot,the window where I'll stare and stare at the green fence perhaps,at the passers by,at the window half open always,at the thought that someone is also staring,at the kids ariving,at the kids playing then I sip my coffee, coke,ginger, rosemary, water,tea,lemon,and I make up stories about them,and I kill some and I wonder on how to read some and on how to hate some and why the other one seems off.and  then my mind wanders it travels into the pit with the smallest peak of hope, I'm sad ain't I?

My mind travels, and there you see this boy,this spoilt brat who thinks bribing is going to solve his problems,who feels good someone else being humiliated,this sadist,I see him as a psychopath yet I don't throw blames,I feel like telling him will ruin his mood and he'll enjoy the sight of my scolding, I've screamed at him, I've imagined knocking his head on the wall again and again and again , I've seem him drowned, I've seem him sleeping the forever sleep, I've seen him in a bodybag, I've seen people mourning him,yet I always pause, smiling at the thought of how the world will punish him,at the thought that one day the universe will balance up,at the thought that bullies gonna get the best part of him, at the thought that these children looking up to him won't trust him when they understand nihilism.

But I stop caring for him, maybe he thinks he's gonna have his mum for a wife,

 but I'm tired and angry at the border between the fortunate and the less fortunate,why must there be a space,but I stare at my mug saying 'that's why there's going to be more of this' I raise it up.

out here

I always wanted to be a banker when I was little, I'd say financial institution would do me great Justice since I presumed I was good with money

I also once told someone I want to be a truck driver,that I was fascinated with big cars,that it was going to be fun to be a woman on the road but I got discouraged that I'll never get enough sleep that the truck drivers abuse drugs

I also once said I want to be a plumber, perhaps because I wasn't sure what the name meant,when I understood it I saw it better to fix pipes,to work with machinery,it was another task that women couldn't do,I also got discouraged that I'll be unblocking dirty sewages that it wasn't hygienic

Now I studied a course that I can work in the financial institution,three years down the line, I'm unemployed, I can't even find an unpaid internship, I use drugs, half the amenities I've been to in my lifetime have appliances that need to be fixed

This morning on the road,I see being a truck driver wasn't bad after all, atleast trucks don't give me nausea,I see that being a plumber wasn't bad after all, atleast I could be employed somewhere, I see that how many people make bad choices based on the advices they're given, I see alot