Shy

He stares for awhile then tells how he's bored,how his day got wasted by the fact that he had to study then grumbles about assignment how they always seem more and it never gets better for they get difficult and tougher as it adds up, he can curse and then tells you you're weird for you just stood there to listen.

Yet still I have no say since he keeps record so he'll use it in our argument later,so I smile and hope our walk gets shorter,I need to arrive to my hostel perhaps get some sleep or catch up with an episode of blindspot,though he stops talking and wants a story from me since all these evening walks he's been doing most of the talking.

I try telling him about this day,how the lectures sucked,how my mind was off during the Bible study but no I  just ask him if he can have some tea,we approaching our gate and he denies as always and so I would say goodnight but he'll say that's ment for a text,then waves and goes the opposite direction.

Then this would happen for more than five nights,till he asks for a hug sometime takes tea or supper and I see him to be a friend nothing else but it then grows intense and he wants to date me,takes me out for dinner and I then learn that his past relationship nearly killed him.

But he needs to know I can't be this perfect creature he wants,I easily give up and go wrong more than once though the times am remorseful I mean it and this feeling can easily wear off if I'm not given a listening ear since I've got this strange innocence with a bit of ignorance.

Silent auction

She gave this pity all the time she stared and talk to me,she made it always seem like the last time we would ever talk but bit by bit I knew this drama won't end sooner and it gave me chills that I might lose my only sincere friend courtesy of my ignorance and this hate overwhelming me.

The wreckage I'm built of is what gives me hope at times,though lately I saw myself knocking my niece on this wooden arm chair and felt not pity never had the courage to say sorry ,just took some water wiped the blood out and had to bandage it before it could get worse and it just felt like am growing into a monster.

But I try to hide it all with a smiley face and that laugh only two people know it's fake so you won't know the true me,that sad nature of being alone in the vicinity and take credit in pain I see in others, perhaps a lunatic can understand me
and staying away in a asylum could help heal.

I need a thumbs up since lately I didn't kill a being or beat up one till Intensive Care Unit but again I noted that am this messed up freak who failed to see the fault I had and kept no heed on folks sayings since I messed up I now loose my only jewel,my sincere friend, I just betrayed her.

The moment this shone on my fucking senses I saw no use of being here it's a rotten world after all and sooner or later we all gonna run out of clean air,I had given in and being in bathtub slitting my wrists was a great idea only that my brother came to stop me though emotionally I yelled no .....am this bad creature who deserves nothing.... But he just held my face his loving face staring and all he told me was ....babes,you are not bad neither am I good ,we are just people who either do good or bad .