I killed her

I wish you could see how her face had turned red more of black red, oxygen was running out, all her might to cry out for help were turning into whispers for her strength at bay could do no good like a blast expected to finish the town but barely breaks down a bridge,there were no hopes no motivation exactly how we wait for the construction of our stadium to finally end.

Yelling for help was useless,she noticed and so she tried negotiating in pain but my anger had escalated it was viscous,and that's the time she knew how I felt telling logic she neglected,her hands were not fighting me she held me gently,that grip was firm but still she had to feel more of it till she was aware enough like how we hope the salary comes early.

The satisfaction I awaited took long than I perceived ......a psychopath,that was the last word I could read on her lips and this time she was so weak there was nothing else left so I held her neck and broke it,it felt so simple she now knew it though it took cost of her life and I was now revealed, the weight in me loosened this corpse finally understood me.

Then there was nothing else left,I looked for a point of entry to reap her body apart,her mouth being socked with blood,her nose smaller I lowered down her stockings expecting a way to get in break apart her pelvis so her body could be into two pieces but I found none,hence I figured out I should ensure her blood was dried up and her body could be crushed into dust by a caterpillar and this flesh could serve the dogs a sweet stew.

She never lied on the psychopath I became all the fault being her's for it was all in favour of me
I found it even,but I killed her for justice,I killed her for an identity,I killed her to get hope of being heard,I killed her to be known,I killed her not to be a freak or a murderer just someone to cry for help and perhaps it will open doors only that I forgot to put it in tape to make logic that I can kill for hope.

Them

Well
You make fun on me
Meeting up with me to talk
Talks that are always dry.

Well
You make fun on me
Seeing me urgue facts
Logics you never agree

Well
You make fun on me
Trusting  your sweet lies
Which later breaks me up

Well
You make fun on me
Telling me all is okay
Just to build a smile

Well
You make fun on me
Laughing at my decisions
Being serious accepting them

Well
You make fun on me
Reading my posts
Wondering wtf is wrong

Fun is all you need
I read books to fight poverty
I take aspirin to kill pain
I take antibiotics to heal wounds
I take caffeine to clear my head
I use antiseptics to clean broken skin
I write down to cool my anger
I cry my foolishness out
I'm aware I'm hated in my hood
And it all sums up to nothing
Like them
And you reading this
Have fun
Dumb***es

Why

Why
Why should I care about myself yet clearly all the care I  know is my health

Why
Why should I love myself since the hate I have is similar to the love people say they give

Why
Why should I accept to be alive to feel it's pain and dislike yet being dead is better off

Why
Why should people lie to get my comfort,to feel my freedom yet their truth isn't different.

Why
Why should I fall in love with you to get trust issues since it's never the time to be close

Nervous

I'm nervous
I'm torn in my thoughts
Whether telling the truth
Or letting them at bay
Would still help me

I'm nervous
I'm mixed with signals
Duplicating tensions in my muscles
Boring deep holes in my heart
It's pain drowning

I'm nervous
I'm broken by looking forward
Fighting the real away
Yearning for an illusion
Yet still not surviving

I'm nervous
I'm waiting for a call
To clear my mind perhaps
To open my heart out
And free my prisoner.

Perhaps letting my nerves
Take over my pride
Is the happiness I need.

He lied

😭😭😭😭

He lied
All that time I could lie on his chest as he whispered sweet words to me and I would giggle a little so foolishly happy,he lied.

He lied
All that time he would give a five minute hug telling how he missed me ,that two days turned five when he didn't see me,he lied.

He lied
When he said he understood me that it's unfair not getting back the love you give and it being taken advantage of by some,he lied.

He lied
When he wanted my kiss telling me he wasn't in love with her girlfriend anymore and that it had been a month since they spoke,he lied.

He lied
When he told me he loved me, that I'm a unique person,that I told him my secrets,I trusted him with my lips then I loved him back,he lied.

Midnight sleep

She has to lie for her to get time to study, perhaps even a hour to meditate about all that's been moving fast or, even time to get enough sleep or, even some moment to learn that not all time is ment for some fucking friend you not gonna date, even if that has been his intention since day one.

But it's strikes her like the pain of losing everything, like that moment I woke up discovering that the death of my mum was going to be worse pain than that of dad and kept me weeping the rest of the morning and so in pain I remain torn in way open.

 Yet now the feeling of being with him is stronger than before and today it kills your weekend for not being beside him and I have to know that we not dating just besties and I should empty my heart out to get the glimpse of being loved back.

Though am emotionally trapped with my atrocity, my head keeps calling me a moron, freak, failure, pig bitch, a disappointment and I need to voice up my might but I've forgotten my language,I've got to wake the life of my eyes lest I remain blinded in filtration.

I've got to define my personality for not you seeing me as the timid, short, dark, dready girl, For I get along with my loneliness perfectly and I have to free my heart for being without pain is like losing my demeanour for the worst, I know is there's no power to live,it's not worthy after all.

Dead stars

Perhaps I was in good mood,a cheerful time, around a dexterous throng,having a crowd of elated thoughts or that bad shape of having a cough and can't last a minute without sternutation,yet you'll have to chuckle so it seems funny in a way but, I was in this point mid dispute ,a recovery discovery when I had a crush.

Should you know_he stared at me for awhile but I faded before lasting that ecstatic gaze,if am to describe him his picture won't stick, for you need to know his colour, his bracelet, his shape ,his smile and those cloudy eyes that'll bury me in sand would they see me again for I can't tell his height,his name,his scent or his voice.

I'm hopeful he doesn't mind my ill language and is someone you feel worth of mending your worn off heart and still I feel like meeting him and have unending talks about this and that but I sleep feeling okay and mindless of self imaging, he's obviously not the right one, he'll obviously die before me.