Tonight

So I stare at this last mug of lemon tea I've been drinking,this trembling doesn't seem to stop and it even feels like I'm going to drop this cup soon, I'm surrounded by twelve eyes and only one if not two know what I'm going through...I can't be addicted,it's only been months... and this thought just made everything worse .

I've been silent for a long time,no comments yet,no answer,am just struggling to take this tea,some caffeine,yet eating has been forbidden over and over again during devotion time,but I'm just me the old me and I know I'm going to be burnt in ten minutes.

It's her turn to comment, she's judgemental as usual,what's the matter with you? You've not read even a verse today,you studied in an Adventist highschool,you just there drinking poison,what happened to the girl who used to preach?  ...and there'll be endless,if I'm to speak back she'll consider me rude.

What's the hill actually,four years can either teach you wrong or right,I woke up on the left one and now my knees are aching,my strength is all gone,like tonight I'll finally die. But still she won't be done and here a young one gets in to drive away the tension...she knows am just not me.

You see this happens, tonight I just have to get into my covers and shut down,am tired. I don't want to close my eyes,just a stare at my darkness around is enough , so I'm done with my tea and the time is over.

My trembling hasn't stopped,I'm ment to be doomed perhaps, everyone is leaving and it's a chance to gaze at my phone,he never called as promised and no text as expected,am just this empty nerve no stimuli,yes am not who everyone wants ,I just love being bad around people I love,I just had blaring headache and to this point I rise to slug myself away,this is the rest I need and I think I'm sick, withdrawals are never like this.