Wednesday, August 28, 2019

SICK

I'm a loner,hermit,recluse being , reckless reckling child,the timid insane Kenyan, weakened by insalubrious muscles , which tend to murder me as they contract and relax rhythmically and not for long my blood vessels are liable to be abated entirely upon a deficiency of its components.

I lay.No I lie low, down, deep, covered , buried alive in my bed linen trembling, shivering ,my drowning tears unending ,soaking my pillow as my nostrils want to break up their glands and now my nerves lack impulse triggered by pain
of being alive to feel pain tiredly and only wish it was a corpse lying.

I'll like to be up, rise from this barrier killing me in the form of giving rest,my flesh is up struggling for balance but my bones are selfish they stare innocently like that moment you're confident to speak your heart out but your mouth speaks no more,a disappointment awaits,  am down still in ache.

I just have to say,I died, swallowed by pain when the heat covered me ,as my heart was frozen
and turning to an iceberg was the only thing left
except my mind kept cursing my not to do list and claiming it's never happening yet little was aware a habit was habitual.

Bit by bit down my grave it went,this time not shallow depth for a memory could tell it wasn't first,an echo of laughter was fainting meaning addiction treated reality like shame and next time it'll get harder,I like it like that way and I'll let it go if I want to.

Damn,the next time I'll be okay I'll soon forget my worries before and slowly creep back to my knees and hell know I'll be cursing in pain but, yet in laughter I'm a stupid slug who decides to take a bath in a salty pool and perhaps let it peel off my skin with torture.

I'm sorry to my health,but it's always comforting to know that we shall all die in either case.

Tuesday, July 2, 2019

Trap

After those times
I miss Cedric's chest
How I punched it
To kill my pain
But perhaps his words
Drove my guilt away

Bit by bit
He would listen
See the agony in me
Then he would laugh
About how small
My worries were
Yet his were hills

Daisy and Jean
Had this laughter
That kept them alive
All evening was lively
But hell knew
How many hypocrites
My class hide
Under reading books

But I had these two
Danstone the long one
And Steve the guru
Who were on my neck
All time writing
They had a weird dialect
Jean and I never got it

But they knew me
Every detail of me
Even the look
I have when lying
And they were risky
Dangerous to stare

I was unsound
Hurting Gim twice
Anger I thought
But it was selfish
Yet he didn't fight back
A thing Maingi does
Always

I regret about Elvis
How his talent shown
Those feet
An awkward smile
That made a mistake
Two beats of heart
Yet the chest intact

Should I leave her
She was my friend
But carried secrets
Heavier than her weight
I admire that ability
But I think about her

I need to leave
Disengage my oneself
It's what I wrote before
If I could erase it
You won't know me
Like this drug
Am addicted to
But doctors tell
Big portions reduce
Small ones will kill
And it ends

The disaster
Ccs
172019

Tuesday, May 14, 2019

My dream

I dreamt

So long

It never ended

I was in deep sleep

I was awake


I dreamt

So sweet

I even felt it tasty

It was broad daylight

It was at night


I dreamt

So warm

The air was great

The sun really scorched

The moon was so cool


I dreamt 

So alive

It was the peak of it

Covered in dark blood

My heart still working


I dreamt

About us

Just the three

It was so sweet

Yet so bitter


Of course I dreamt

About the good you 

About the bad I knew

And I saw the mold 

Being good in you


Of course i dreamt

Blinded by it

Clarity through it 

Dawned on me

The darkness was me


I lied

I wasn't dreaming

I was right there

Awake and seeing

That sweet in it

Fresh from the window

Its laughing 

That drink

Tealeaves

Thursday, April 11, 2019

Bye

It's hard to write

It's hard to forget 

It's hard to accept

It's hard to know

That one has left

And would never come


You will miss her

Terribly I know

But should it kill

No ! You have a future


Mother left

But her spirit lives

Be who she wanted 

Let her legacy be alive


Since: 

Life is like a pill

Survival is not will

Some time you'll be thrashed

Others leave you splashed

But since its not a choice

You'll have to be okay


RIP. Mother



Monday, March 25, 2019

M*

It was


With the old music

Of your flute

You're sound thrills me off

I remain speechless 

Imagining out of the unimagininable

My nerves get alert

My muscles tend to contract

More than even relaxing

I get into a hole

Of black darkness

And it doesn't end

With the music flowing

I then become weak

But stronger than Samson

This pounding heart

Creates a rhythm

I don't know its keys

Then I hear

Voices calling me

"Girl will you wake up?"

Opening my outer eyes

Christ! I had gone away

I had died

Buried by that beauty

Of the sound you make

And my love for you


But first


Being simple and clear

We live 

We love 

We lie

Cold lonely world

Give lessons the hard way

So hard to swallow

Now we face our fears

One is scared of being lonely

But it seems there's a path

Where everyone must take

Don't take it for hatred

But part of your story

Made our paths cross

Quick recovery 

All the best


Then 


Wish I had opened

My eyes wide enough

To see that extension

In your so called skull,, idiot


I find it amusing

Or should it be ironical

Since you made me mad

And opted for the joke

Friend zone


You always want to win

So as to be seen a genious

Or that you can't give in

You bloody jigger


You always talk

And give the stern look

A great analyser

In politics football 

When will you grow

To care about others


But still


Am fighting the tears

Lest they drop down

Annoying me again

My heart solemn it feels

Bitterness and pain


It looks like guilt

Being asked by conscience

To ignore everything

Since when twas your turn

The other party ignored


Cover anger with smile

Laugh keep smiling

But it still shocks

Why did he love brushing

His arms over me


I've never understood

How I slept

Then moment I get up

Not even 

Why I lied to myself

When all was wrong


But l do know

The jealous I feel

Whenever i see you

Spending ...

And it doesn't go past

My hatred for you


And now


Its only I

In this stormy walk

Only I

In this sandy sinking climate

Only I

Who is always wrong

Only I

Who people take advantage

Only I

Who keeps on being lied to

Only I 

Who has to swallow tablets

Only I

Who sometimes get sick

Only I

Who is all alone


There is no shoulder

Even to cling to

There is no moment

Even to keep a smile

There is no room

Even to isolate oneself

There is no human

Even to trust my heart


Useless world useless life

Useless dreams useless ambition

Useless authority useless beings

Useless thoughts useless deeds

Useless love useless feelings

 Am I also useless?


The end

And one thing I kept in mind is that expectations kill all time, I don't have to give all to people who give half but truth be said I can't love someone to that point even if it's my husband


Sunday, March 10, 2019

...

That's the last post

Am out of street lights

As I move into 

The darkest part

Of this market centre


My spotlight bright

Enough to show 

A mere girl 

Walking around  


Tight jeans was best

But being a sunny day

Am in a short skirt

And this long coat

Does nothing except

To pull my pace back


As I walk

Its clear am in street

Full of dark manners

Evil guys around


Had they been waiting

For someone

Or had they planned

For that girl

Always ignoring

Those calls like dogs


I now lose vaginity

To a rapist

A stranger

Oh God!!!! 

Not even

My boyfriend


Rapists 







Wednesday, March 6, 2019

Its not hatred

Its not hard love

Its just nature

Its forces


Goodbye lovely

Guess its time 

I fought time

To win back time


I have to leave

Hide for a while

Cover myself away

And perhaps learn


Its not perfect

To be out there

Its somewhere 

Evil to beings

Of kind hearts


But I wonder

...will you forgive me

Or forget me

Or call me 

A stranger

Like your dad


But its you're future

You're destiny lovely

That I have to create

And its only now 

Or will be never


Should have done it 

But I couldn't

When you grow

You'll not understand

That tradition

Is more than blood

Is more than care

Is more than brains

Is more than men

Is more than hell


Wolves

Is my name to folks

Who gave me out 

At mere age of teen

To be a wife

To the stranger 

You know him


So pretty one

My journey starts

Tonight I guess

And I leave you 

Nothing to grow with

Except you're brain

Or you'll be buried

By that stupidity

All around us