🕊️ peace

Peace; what's peace for you

Peace is like blue ,like you want me to define what peace is ,like you asking me to define how an orgasm feels like, it's sweet but no words can define it sweetness, it's like an urge but I'm afraid you won't get the scope when I tell it to you.

Well for me peace is her lips,her innocent sweet juicy lips, it's peaceful like it's her lips,her baby lips for me

Well peace is the fear for me, I'm scared, I'm torn that if I text her she might chuckle and her boyfriend will notice, it's the fear that I'll want more of it and I can't tell what the future holds, peace for me is scary, I'm scared of what she now thinks of me, it's peaceful that am afraid of her sweetness and beauty.

And. Peace for me is the confusion, should I walk her out or should I make her stay, should I be romantic and give her an extra jacket since it's Fucking cold yet she still wants to leave,, it's the hug that I won't want to end but it's outside, it's the confusion that is it my fingers tonight or am I calling my boyfriend for the night,  peace for me is the undesiveness, it's the confusion for me.

So you want me to describe peace ,as sleeping knowing someone's on the gate for the lookout or ,you want to say peaceful is killing a your foes so no one's coming for you or ,you say peace is white like no colonies,you think peace is the happiness, you think peace is sleeping like a baby ,naàh peace is the fear, the confusion the panic and it's her lips for me.

Africa

I was born in Africa,told that this was the unique continent,the beautiful one since black our brown skin was so awesome,sweet and I wasn't told,no I didn't know that I  I was born in third world country,I wasn't told that the beauty came from within that the black no the dark skin color wasn't appreciated,we were slaves and still stigmatized.

I woke up in Africa, knowing we can speak different languages, diversified with different cultures ohh, we look amazing in our traditional attires, culture so unique but,but I didn't wake up to know that I'll be circumcised come my 14th birthday,that I'll be married off before 16 ,that in my tradition I can't speak up to my husband,that I'll be widowed and married off to my husband's brother, that'll be cursed be it known that I like another girl, that I'll be considered an outcast was I to own my land.

I studied in Africa, admiring the pride in us, we religious and self-centered since, we'd rather dig our graves before our death comes, for we build churches to pray in to get jobs, but, but while traveling all I could see was bleaching skin to look white,was dressing like the western culture,were thieves who couldn't appreciate whatever were in their plates, was beggars who couldn't account their funds,were men who define beauty by asses and breasts,were depressed souls, alcoholics 

This is Africa,you think it's green but it's dark like Leakey

let's draw

Let's draw, shall we?

About what;let's draw about failure about defeat, let's draw about war, about the cold about our enemies let's draw about betrayal about losing hope,let's draw shall we??

Let's draw,shall we?

Why draw yet we can paint,we can paint about our intimacy,about the heat within us, about the growth we have, about the yearn the success we can paint even pictures of us, can't we paint?

Let's just draw,shall we?

But with what; there's an art that lies deeper than the eyes of a artist,it dwells and no pencil,no pen,no book no paper no brush can show it's beauty, it's shouts with a faint call, just pull up your sleeves I'll take my shirt off and while you curve my back with that blade I'll draw joy, so darling can we draw.

my humor

You see;

My humor is whole in an empty room,full of nothingness,

its clamoured with caressed beauty,painted in red, that shade of blood, 

she is the beauty in a casket,that light you see in a grave, 

she is the pain skirted on skin by a sharp razor, 

she is the ambient that dances on thorns and is licked by venom tongue, 

she's a turn on by violence, 

she comes and goes like puff of a blunt,

she takes critism as compliments, 

she's the heaviest page on light font, 

she's the honest liar, the trigger on suicidal thoughts, 

she's that yell that moans to stabs. 

She's the miniac, she knows . 

its his breath for me

Its his breath for me

The cool breeze or is it hot, its got the steadiest temperature, it's got the softest touch, its like its calling me into its base, his lips.

It's his breath for me

The musicality in it☺️,the rhythm it has, so powerful the melody drives my nerves, its singing to me as it flows down my face.

Its his breath for me

The chillness it has, that cold touch that goes down displacing everything else, its got that push that makes me forget everything else.

Its his breath for me

The way its calling, singing, drives me to crave for one, just one kiss, its his breath that smells like peace, that breath that makes me want to push him on the wall just to feel his heartbeat, its that breath that makes me stupid again, its like a breath of life, its his breath that covers my life, am whole again, its his breath that I wish he stays a bit longer, its his breath for me. 

sisi

It's us,

The gender that when we grew up were told to be clean,that the dirty ones were boys, that we were the pretty ones,Dad's favorite,we were taught that no man could ever lay a hand on us,we were told that we were the great ones,the better ones, more than men,we could rule..

And we grew up with these lies,that when boys feel in love with us we just wanted them to show us the love, we knew we were the only good ones , the angels with no wings, we were the future we perceived, but they lied.

We were never taught that, that men had hearts, that we were equal despite our differences, that they were also human, that they were also beautiful since we wanted the flowers, the love, the gifts, the joy, the care, the pity that she's just a girl

We overstepped, when they failed we said they were the devils, the dogs, we made them petty and they hardened 

They say nowadays that 'msichana hawezi niambie kitu', they are the beasts we fed, they are the murders we made, they are the thieves we natured, they grave for the pain we insinuated 😂😂😂 yet what remains in the community, guys who turn to gay, ladies who think they are gay.

Its source, Ni sisi wanawake

Butterfly

I found the best one,it seems, he makes me laugh foolishly among strangers,he makes me feel safe around him,he loves staring at me when I talk so much,he wants to be closer to me all the time,he let's his body cover me all times,he is proud to walk with me,he can't stop staring at me,he is the one I want.

He's got the perfect body,the smile I die for,the cutest face,the loving voice,the sense he talks,the way he dresses,the arms I long for,the scent I dream of,the laugh I crave for,the beards I drown for,the body I want,the company I'll wait and wait.

I'm a bit crazy, hahaha,when he shows up, I'm at ease when I jump on him, I feel home whenever he covers me, I'm happy when I see him,I'm talkative when I'm with him,I'm me when it comes to him

I almost forgot I'm in love,with someone else ofcourse, weird! I know he's also in love,not with me though,

That's sad  and it's life 😂.

them

So we celebrate their remembrance, since we got sad when they left, we cried, we got depressed over their lost souls, we mourn their deaths,, yet when they were alive, we cared less, we were apart of their pain, we used to kill them everyday with our attitude towards their differences, we used to pin their esteem down, we made their lives death, like a halt to our peace,

Perhaps our hate, showed them the love we had and as they kept struggling to know us more, we pushed them away, so they saw hope in the afterlife, they felt that our guilt could give them joy, they opted to getting high, getting drunk, overdosing just to feel the peace of mind and when their pains got unbearable they gave up, they could have opted to be psychopaths and perhaps kill us or torture us to show them love but they chose otherwise,they gave up.

Addictions, depressions, health issues, accidents that kill the young aged, the ultimatum to our childhood friends and families, our sad episodes, some of us started drinking, smoking just to forget them but the elderly say death is inevitable and this kills our hopes, we miss them everyday, we hope to see them again and we envy that it was their end and not ours, we all want them back,so as we remember them, let's not forget the circle of our friends, let's us still love the ones we still have.

y'all sent him to an early grave

Y'all sent him to an early grave

With the noise, the arguments, the blames, the complaining, the shouting, the cursing, the cringing, the clicks, the bangs, the pressure, the cold shoulders.

Y'all sent him to an early grave

With the depression he used to fight off with beer, With the mistrust that ran through the family, the unfinished projects you pointed fingers at him, the lost funds you raised eyebrows to him, the broken blood you said it was his fault, the gossip in town you thought because of him, the fact that you won't push through you assumed his was your barrier to success. 

Y'all sent him to an early grave

With the laughing you forged to get favors, the false thoughts you made him believe, the shame you felt when you walked with him, the force you thought could change him, the emptiness, the walk away whenever he started talking sense, the back bites even if he was correct, the sadness you gave him yet all he wanted was love. 

Y'all sent him to an early grave

Thinking his burnt liver was causing problems yet his broken heart was failing, thinking medicine was his cure yet peace could cure his soul, thinking that a psychologist could make him straight yet quality family times were all he wanted, thinking funny comebacks would keep him quite yet respect was what he deserved, thinking teaming up against him could isolate his complains yet all they gave him was loneliness... he turned to an empty nerve, a cold desert, he made alcohol his joy, his thoughts were his closure, they gave him confidence to speak out his pain and all you heard were complains, he felt alive with that painful intake since all your presence did was to make him scarce, he saw everything working since in your eyes he was useless because of his bottle, 

You managed to turn everything against him his grave was what you all aimed for...

 

....Y'all pulled his trigger

peace

To slit my wrists,my biology said I should cut along the paths, break the joint, open the bones and cut through the radical artery,that I should take aspirin to make my blood thinner, an easier way to avoid blood clotting,that I should be in a hot water tub to open my capillaries, there connection is pointless either way.

To stab myself to death,the internet said I should aim to my chest, though the cavity might be hard,so the stomach is the best to slice those intestines open and embrace the pain, let the blood flow,let it drip and as it soaks through my cloth,that escasty, that joy as it brings an end to everything,lifeless peace.

To jump from a twelve-storey,my counsious said I should wait for a cool breezy afternoon,a rainy one infact,and as I slide down I should worship the drops,the heavy blows down my knuckles,the fall should be a joyful one,just let your head lead your body,to the cemented rough terrain....peace.

To drown yourself to death,my geography said it must be evening,the water would be warm a final bath, cosy, fresh and you don't have to be scared let the water flow into your lungs,open your eyes watch your death like an episode, you can laugh so the choke kicks your system fast, you don't have to fight your death,you fought your life.

To overdose the death,science says you don't need any pill for that, painkillers kill pain, antihistamine induces pain, antibiotics fights bacteria, so you should go for antidepressants,opoid overdose kills faster like excessive drinking,just let the painful intake take you,you could even sleep, it's your final rest actually.

To head on a moving vehicle,you need to know mathematics,since you'll have to calculate the speed, the motion...you'll be throwing yourself fast,it needs to be instant,so speed up and don't forget to wear your favorite cloth and put on a smile be confident since it's going to hurt for the last time,that pain is your cure.

You can opt for a painless death,for instance letting C2O2 into your airvets,like overdosing on sex pills, like....name them, though I wonder,what's the point of dying earlier than your day,what's the point of escaping your worries, what's the point of going somewhere you don't know about, what's the point of leaving music,of leaving food, of leaving friends, of leaving lovers, of leaving books, of leaving money, since I hear you can be a wandering spirit,seeing everything but you can't control it,I also heard that once you buried you'll hear everything,even the last footsteps your lover makes, since I know you know nothing after death

Death is scary,you should be afraid.

Grapes

Someone hugged me,he tried lifting me up but I declined,he wanted hold me long but I refused,he wanted to kiss my neck but I shrugged off,he insisted on holding me long but I fought my way out,he tried moving his hands over me but I stumped my feet,he whispered that it's alright,but I yelled back no.

Since,it wasn't that warm like yours,his scent wasn't peaceful like yours,his arms didn't grab me like yours,his smell wasn't yours,his height wasn't close to yours,his voice wasn't deep like yours,his breath wasn't cool like yours,he was not you.

It was just a small while,yet I didn't want it to last,I just wanted to break free,it wasn't you,it is never you,it's not like how I always jump on you,it's not like how I always smile back when you brush yourself over me,its not like how I never want your touch to end,it's not like how I love listening to your voice,it's not like......when he left I noted I've never needed someone this bad,yet still I wonder is it so sad, having a horny short girlfriend?

love

To some it's a game,like they state dating was for fun like playing chess only that when the king is checkmated you no longer in love,my friends say it's a process that should begin with friendship then dating then being in love or being in love coming before dating and others say it just happens love comes in when you feel it's time up for loneliness.

Yet to me it starts with a procedure,like a crush first then a friend to close best friends who have movie nights turning to sleepovers and we start kissing eachother and slowly as I  lie on his body his arms brushing over, I let my left ear listen to heartbeat whose rhythm doesn't change and I lie to myself that he doesn't lie and wish to freeze the moment to be us,for I've been hiding the love.

But in darkness I build scenes under my thoughts for my body is overloaded with lust,I'm after his body I think,  while expecting love to be an unending feeling ,it is a tale with an end at the start and sooner I'll like to break free,disengage from this bond unbounded and it's black valentine's as it's always been.